*You know me too well. Spoilers will ensue*
Alright...so I'm sure this is the review you guys were all waiting for. Maybe that's just my ego talking...who knows. Before I went into this film- my buddy who didn't think the first one was as bad as I did told me to keep an open mind. I don't know how anyone could like Zombie's first, but That being said- I objectively approached "Rob Zombie's Halloween 2", and I tried to keep an open mind. I told anyone that would listen that I thought Rob Zombie's next abomination of an installment into the franchise of "Halloween", had all the makings to beat Bruno for the worst movie of 2009. In all honesty I didn't think it was possible even with my strong dislike for Rob Zombie films. I am happy to say...Rob Zombie proved me wrong. This was above and beyond a worse movie than Bruno in my opinion. I looked at this movie from a film perspective (the way I know I can objectively look at a film without being bias) and a personal love of the Halloween franchise. The film was awful in both categories. I thought maybe it was just me. The two people I went with (the one previously mentioned and another) both thought the same as I did of this film. Coming out of the movie where you hear the chatter from the people gave me my definitive answer. This was not just me. Of all the people in the theater that came out my way only one said it was "decent". I heard "They need a new director", "A new screen writer", "Please kill this series...again", and "this was absolutely awful".
I personally liked the part when Scout was vomiting into the toilet. She must have been looking for the script and the entire film down there. Don't get me wrong, I like Scout Taylor Compton, I really do. She can't do anything with a terrible script. I can sit here and obliterate this film all day. I said the same thing in the first movie but yet I did go on to obliterate it all day. Maybe I will now too...Ohh...it's hurting. The heck with it, so let's do it. 1) Shaky cams. Sorry guys...ROB ZOMBIE CAN NOT FRAME ACTION. If you can get through an entire movie of action scenes with a shaky cam and still like this film- I applaud you. That's not a good film. That's Rob Zombie laughing, "Are you dizzy yet? Are you dizzy yet? What about now?" The "Halloween" theme which many have come to love in these films was not played till the credits. When Rob Zombie did attempt to play the fake chase theme and Laurie's theme at the end...the themes were butchered. The movie might make you go "Eww" but it's not going to make you go "Ahhh!". Halloween films for the most part (minus a couple and most notably these two pieces of @**+ movies) will make you go AHHH!
Some people's main fault with this film was that "everything was white trash orientated. My response to this is simple. As opposed to what? The first film? Everything in the first movie was white trash orientated as well. That's what Halloween lovers, like myself of course, butchered his first Halloween for.But don't get me wrong that wasn't the ONLY reason we butchered it. There's many many more. The scene where they're transporting Michael's body near the beginning made me think "Dialogue at its worse". I'm sorry but anytime that I've been in pain (or seen anyone in pain) we weren't just saying the 'F' word. We were screaming in pain, or maybe even crying. The guy said it at least 10 times and didn't even try moving. Going on with some famous notable quotes "I'm not me" is something I would project a two year old to say. And I'm not even joking that's actually a line delivered in this film. The screen writing is awful. Still..I know many chain cursers and still I know no one that talks that bad as they do. And this is supposed to be Haddonfield, a quiet little town. Not a white trash town, but I understand that was a creative decision made by the director/screen writer. Let me say, that decision really does not work. I'd also like to know when Michael became the flash? There were certain scenes that were wide shots that just flew in there. I've seen quite a few people running in films that are shot widely. I've never seen one that I can say someone got to their destination in 2 seconds. Another part is the party. I wasn't aware the party was across the street because he sure as hell got there fast enough.
Alas...my favorite. The cop in front of the Bracket house. When you observe this scene you will realize the cop points the light at the tree and every where in the yard. Michael attacks him from the left of our frame where the tree is. So the cop happened to miss the 7 foot giant (which takes away from the scary element) Michael Myers standing in front of the tree when a second ago the light was pointed directly at it. So either that scene's pure film crap or Michael Myers is the flash...I'm guessing it's the first of the two. The white horse ghost scenes were garbage and the character of Loomis was garbage. Donald must be looking down and wondering "Why? Just why did they do this?" Loomis is the only static character in the film series that never abandons the hope that Myers was alive. Of course this is the original series, you know, the good one. TOTALLY different in this one. The police scene at the end of the movie was terrific. Clearly the cops couldn't make a perimeter around the shack very well if Loomis broke through it pretty well. Hell...if I was Myers I would've took off with the Perimeter they had going. A five year old would've made it through that.
The characters now... As I've said Loomis was awful. There were two TOLERABLE characters. Brackett and Maya (I believe was her name). Again...I mention TOLERABLE as compared to the other characters. As compared to the original, neither hold a candle. Halloween thrives off of two things... Characters and the music. For instance Michael Myers by himself (like Rob does) is not scary. It's the combination of terrifying music (which is non existent in this) that makes the series good, terrifying, and suspenseful. The other is the character. I WANT to feel bad for Laurie Strode..I WANT to feel bad for Jaimie Lloyd. I couldn't care less what happened to Laurie Strode or anyone else in this film for that matter.
And then can we now explore the random shots of Michael walking through corn? Did this turn into the Lord of the Rings? If so, is Michael Myers now Gandalf? There's about four or five of these random scenes.I feel like Michael's trying to audition for a part in "Field of Dreams". Michael is brutal in this one. Michael's pretty brutal in the original "Halloween 2" with some of his kills. It's the manner of the kill in my opinion that makes it brutal. I personally think the hypodermic needle in the eye was more brutal than Michael hacking at corpses for 20 stabs in a row. That wasn't brutal. That was just stupid. Is he Jason? Maybe Leatherface? The stalking element in this film was almost not existant. I'm going to try and remember off the top of my head the people that he killed.
I would advise against buying this film. I would advise against renting this film. Rent the originals.
John Carpenter's "Halloween" was better than Zombie's "Halloween" and Rosenthal's "Halloween II" was better than "Zombie's Halloween 2" in terms of being a great film and an awful one. And don't take this review the wrong way. I think Rob Zombie is a good up and coming director and he does certain things, even in this film, that are visually nice. I loved the Devil's Rejects, but I just don't think "Halloween" and "Rob Zombie" are the right fits.
Great Film: D-
Enjoyable Film: D-
COMPARED TO ROB ZOMBIE'S "HALLOWEEN" (2007)
Great Film: D+
Enjoyable Film: D+
COMPARED TO "HALLOWEEN II" ( 1981)
Great Film: C
Enjoyable Film: A-